In the several times that I have not been cognizant of my mental well-being by being in a very unwell state, I had a tough time deciphering that in fact there are several people out there that care about me. As good as not being well can feel given some of my mental health conditions, eventually I crash out and go into a state that makes me unreliable and causes concern, among others.

When the concerns are raised by those who see my behavior, it can be unbearable to hear. It feels like I am the little puppy dog that has been in trouble doing something that I know I should not have done. I want to pass a negative judgment on them for raising the concerns that they raise, but I now realize that it is beyond their concern for something tragic happening to me that could eventually result in more detrimental things happening that could be tragic and irreversible to me. It could even make things worse than what they would have been if I took the course to rectify my issues myself.

Things have been in place for a long time to ensure that I am mentally stable, yet there has been until I fully understood that urge to do things that were not appropriate because I had thought that it would be better for me. Eventually, it backfires, scaring those that are around me and then I must do the challenging work to get back on track. Eventually I realized by playing this continual game was dangerous and I was tired of going down the wrong road in my mental health treatment.

There should be no shame in mental health treatment. While I battled the situation that I was experiencing for several years before understanding that what was necessary for a desirable quality of life was essential, I believed that I was broken, useless and not someone that was worthy of being the person that I wanted to be. Eventually, I realized that there are genuine people who care about me for the right reasons and that they want me when I am my best instead of being mentally unstable.

I have been able to see so many examples of my condition being portrayed on the screen. It showed me that things like medication are necessary and even though it was acted, there can be people that can care for me in the way that I want to for the right reasons and things can be accomplished in the way that are best for all involved. In that process, it can be difficult to adjust to getting to be my best self, but deep down I know it is for my own good to  always be cognizant of my mental state and do what is necessary to take care of myself so I can do what I enjoy and be there for those that need and care for me. No one wants to be a friend, colleague, relative or partner of someone that is mentally unwell or uncertain of how they are going to be when they are not taking care of themselves.