In the past six or so years of living independently as an autistic person, I have not always been my best mentally. There has been in many instances some sheer ignorance until it was too late, and I have crashed and burned as a result of adhering to orders for treatment such as medication and suggestions offered by treatment professionals. In reality I had to work myself back to developing a level of trust with everyone involved in my life to be able to feel back with myself.

Without a doubt it can be hard to do what you need to do to stay mentally well. There can be a million excuses to ignore the reality of having to fall in line with what needs to be well, especially when you don’t have anyone to remind yourself of how important it is to do so. When there are moments that you know are unhealthy and there is an ignorance to do what is right even if there is something that you can put pause on without realizing that it is what is right for you. While it may seem inconvenient, eventually it catches up to you and you feel worse as a result of not taking care of your mental health in the first place.

There was times when I thought I knew what I was doing, and I certainly did not. Looking back in retrospect, I feel horrified of just the sheer ignorance of what I was doing to myself without realizing how scared others were of me due to my behavior at the time. When it all surmounted to the point it was too late to repair myself without others realizing the danger that I was in, I too was scared and experiencing a whirlwind of emotions that set me back quite a bit.

One thing about being autistic and having some mental health challenges that need to be addressed with things like mood stabilizers and antipsychotics such as myself is that there can be things that are a result of being autistic that can trigger someone to react very negatively as a result of not doing what is best for them. For as much as I now see as a result of not caring for my mental health until a few months ago the times when I was super reactive towards others and the fright that those around me was experiencing.

In those moments I was unable to rationalize with anything or even realize how much I was in risk of something that I know would only make things worse. It is now that I realize that I am responsible for how I conduct myself around the world and that requires doing things that are necessary for optimal well-being, even if I may have thought it would be okay.

While I have my own challenges as a result of being autistic, that doesn’t mean that I do not understand how important it is to follow things like taking my medication, all of it and doing things that adults do like going to sleep among other things that are helpful to my mental well-being. I know that I do not want to go down the roads I went down in the past when I was unwell and that there are things that I need in my life that are on the line that I need to be mentally well for.