One of the constant things I struggle with is the morning anxiety. It is common with autistic people, and I am no different. While the past few years has been different, I am working at being able to cope with it better so I can be able to live my life as normal as I can.

Many times, there is a part of me that wants to avoid doing things for the day, whether that is going to work or day services because my anxiety plays a huge role in keeping me regulated and able to get through transitions smoothly. It can be a process where I need to get up to start my day several hours before the actual time that I leave the house so I can conduct the necessary activities that I wish to conduct before getting on the bus for where I need to go.

As many who have been reading this blog, I have only been riding the shared ride buses for over a year now and while the initial thought of doing so seemed scary, eventually it got better and more manageable because I allowed myself to work through the fears that I was initially facing. But my fear of not wanting to go to work or day service sometimes starts as early as the day before because I want to believe that I don’t need to go to work or day service because I am overwhelmed with things that I want to believe are too much for me before actually realizing that I can take the time before the day comes to actually go and do what I need to do.

I sometimes express what I am feeling with those that I love, and they reassure me that I just need to go because if I do stay home, I will ruminate and overthink situations that I do not need to overthink. Deep down I know this, but I don’t allow myself to think about it that way or allow myself to work through the anxiety that I am feeling by knowing that it is just my anxiety and a part of who I am, that I experience these feelings and once I am on that bus to where I need to go I will be just fine.

 Anxiety is something that I deal with quite often and I am starting to realize is a part of my life whether I like it or not. It is finding what works for me to get through those tough times like waiting for the bus by turning on the TV and watching it, so I have something to occupy my mind. I also know that things like being on top of my medicine so that the medicine intended to help me is working to be able to work thoroughly so that I can manage any challenge that is in my way.

In the end, it is knowing that getting through that point where I know that I have to commit with going to work or day services that makes things easier for me to manage  and get through so I can live life to the best of my ability.