About a month ago, I discovered that I was back where I was physically in 2021. I had once again allowed myself to become the sluggish self that I allowed myself to become out of sheer ignorance from not caring for my physical body. I had realized that I had gotten to the point where it became miserable to navigate to and from anywhere nor be able to get through a grocery store with ease and that I had to get back to where I needed to be.

It can be hard to admit that I needed to do the right thing. It had been something that I had ignored because for once I had my mental health under control. But when I thought I did and the combination of not being able to move through the grocery store combined itself along with the many things that altered the way I wanted things, it had become too much and a little bit of the monster of me came out to the point I could not hide the elephant in the room any longer because it was something that I had hidden from nor wanted to admit.

Instantly, I realized that I had to make a change for the better. These issues would only continue to surmount to be more challenging than what they had been for some time because I was continuing to feed into what had been comfortable for me and not work on things that I needed to work on. Until that point I was unmotivated to make a change because I did not want to admit that there was a problem but eventually it kicked itself in the rear and quite hard. It made me look like a jerk and feel the way that I didn’t want to towards those that I loved.

It can be hard to realize that those that love me care for me just as much as I think they should, but they are more concerned about me than what they let me see because they had seen me destroy my body more than I should and as a result it can be hard for me to digest that information because it was the hard truth and there was no getting away from it. It seemed as if there had not been any way that many who were making the choices for the better had seemed to make their choices and here I was sitting in pure ignorance because what I had to do was unpleasantly immature but is part of growing up.

I had to make the decision to start to make better choices even as hard as it was to do because I know I am only hurting myself in the process of not taking care of my physical health and because for so long I was focusing on caring for my mental health without recognizing that I needed to equally care for my mental health, I realized that I need to be more cognizant of my health overall. It can be hard to do when the mental health medications want to counteract and sabotage my physical care, but in the end it is finding a healthier compromise that works to solve the happy medium that I need to have so I can be both physically and mentally well within due time.