Humans make mistakes. That is a part of who we are. I certainly have made mistakes in my life, some of them deliberately thinking that there would be a better outcome from doing things that I know that I had no business doing. But eventually, they had come back to bite me because what I did took time to do their effect on me. Eventually, I realized that I have to do certain things to live my best life, even though there can be temptation from things that are wicked and not appropriate.

It can be doing things that I know that were never right because I have had the fear of speaking about the feelings I had about things before doing them, even though I knew they were not right. Doing so was only setting me up for failure and further taking away opportunities from me that I deserved. Even if I could not see it, I was hurting myself slowly camouflaging what I was doing to sabotage myself because I know that if I would speak about it that I would be corrected about what I was doing and I think that it would be harder to receive than just being open in the first place.

I was lying and as an being autistic it can be hard to believe that we can lie. But I was masking myself and doing what everyone wanted me to do to fall in line by becoming complacent with what was expected of me. Not being honest was hurting me and eventually I would realize that more and more as time went on. Others were being casualties as a result of me not being able to be my best self. I was never proving myself that I could be well at living independently even though I had the smarts and skills to do so. I could not hack the secret that I could get rid of that was deteriorating my mental health.

Eventually, this year, it clicked, and I started to head on the right track for the better, even though it was hard, I began to see that I needed to be honest and do the right thing no matter what. It can be hard when you have lived the vivacious life that you thought you could enjoy but when it was hurting you at the same time, it was equally difficult to understand that things that have been put in place to work are there for a reason and even though you have made the many mistakes that you have made, you need to forgive yourself and move on with it, no matter how much you have hurt yourself in the process.

It can be hard when you are on the path for a more righteous start to life, but eventually you will feel better in the process of doing so. It may hurt in the process of navigating through all those challenges along the way but eventually you will feel better when you start to do the right thing and head on the trajectory that you need to improve your life when it seems that everyone and everything is against you. It can be hard, but learning from your mistakes can be a big thing, but the ultimate goal is to not return to those habits that you once had so they do not repeat themselves again.