As we roll into Autism Awareness / Acceptance Month, many often like to think as being autistic as being relatable to having a superpower. I honestly have to say that being under that assumption is so underrated due to the fact that autism, although it has its many benefits also has many challenges that set autistic people behind the neurotypical population.

It can be hard for an autistic person to survive the day sometimes. Decades ago, I was one of those people that it was a shot of pure luck that I did not become physically aggressive towards someone that I loved or even my treatment team. Then there is the part of just being able to connect to the outside world when there is so much of a disconnect from what others see as being part of the social construct that makes us as autistic people so difficult to withstand at times.

That is not to say that being able to connect with others cannot be done, in fact I have done it more than most other autistic people, but at times it is still a struggle when unfamiliar or changing situations arise where I want to avoid it out of pure fear. And while that could be my anxiety talking to me, just the struggle of doing things that are new or changed for me is ever so challenging due to the overwhelming fear I experience in doing so. It is no one’s fault, which is just what I experience as an autistic person.

Yes, without a doubt there is immense knowledge that I have stored up there in my memory banks and to some that may become a superpower to some, but to others that may be something that is ever more misunderstood or perceived as bullying ammunition towards others because we are seen as different and not someone that falls into the societal norm of what is to be understood in this world.

Yes, autism has changed my life in many ways, but it has also changed the lives of those in my household growing up and even my entire family because I have always been seen as the “different” one. Yet, in most cases, I have been loved and accepted as I am, even in a blended family such as mine that spans many decades, I was seen as no different in many cases and was cared for just as equally growing up by my siblings and am seen as just any other relative in many cases, yet autism makes communicating very challenging and at times can make me feel out of place when there is so much of a desire to connect with others.

I understand that being autistic is just a part of who I am and there is nothing that I can change about it. To consider it as a superpower is an understatement when there were just as many days in my life that I had to work the hardest to survive and even today there can be days that are even as challenging as it is, but I know that doesn’t make me any less than who I am. I am autistic but it doesn’t define me.