For the longest time, I have held guilt for admitting that I need to take care of myself and whether I really need to or not. There has always been pressure for me to fall into line with what has been expected of me and following the routine that has been set forth for me. But I am learning more that there are times when I am becoming overwhelmed and need to take some extra time for myself, and that is OK.

Without a doubt in this world there are responsibilities that have to be adhered to in life and I certainly am not discounting that they shouldn’t be met. But in the life of the autistic person such as myself, it can be hard to determine that you just have to do certain things that need to be done that you may have put off or that you wasted some time previously and need some time to catch up with the things that need done.

I feel guilty at times when I want to take the time to do these things because growing up, it was always expected that I would fall in line and do what has been expected of me because it was often what was led for me to do by my parents and unless I was sick or something like that I was expected to go and do whatever I was expected to do.  But there has become a reality that things have changed, and I too need to take time for self-care when it comes to getting things done when there is a continual constant of things that are always done the way that is expected without realizing that I do become burned out of continuing to fall in line with things as they are without stopping to get some things done that need to be done or catching up on things after taking care of myself the day before and not feeling as guilty for not doing those things.

There should never be a shame in taking a little extra time for yourself when it is necessary. Knowing that you need to take that time is an important skill and should never be discouraged especially when you know it is necessary. There can be a great sense of guilt when I do it because some may think that I am being lazy but in reality I know when I am nearing my limit and need to step back from what is being expected of me because it is just too much, and I know it. I just wish people would believe me more than what they believed me.

People have a hard time believing autistic people because they think that they just want to get out of things for this reason or that, but in reality it is often because we have to break through our fears just to tell someone that it is too much for us to only be discounted that what we are saying isn’t being recognized by those that need to hear it. When an autistic person tells you that something is too much, believe us because we are more than likely being honest.

However, I know that I must do better at letting go of the guilt that I have when I want to take a little more time to care of myself. I will, slowly, day by day, hour by hour.