For the longest time in my life, the word self-esteem seemed like a made-up word because I never understood what it meant. I seen it portrayed on TV but couldn’t understand what I meant because it was something that I could not see. In recent weeks, I have begun to see what it means and how important it is in my life.

Self-esteem is how much you value and like yourself, and your confidence in your abilities. It’s based on your beliefs and opinions about yourself. For me personally, my self-esteem is variable from day-to-day, sometimes moment-to-moment. There can be times when I am the most vulnerable and not see myself as an incredibly good person and as such I can lash this out at those I trust deeply. It is nothing against them, nor is it necessarily their fault that I say the things that are sometimes hurtful, I just do not see that I valuable as I am at times.

Recently, I wrote a blog post about the impact that I make in both real life and online. I know it goes far beyond the reach that I sometimes realize. I also know that many people value me greatly for my skills and talents that I bring to the table. However, there are times when I do have a good self-esteem about myself. I want to act childish and be bull-headed about myself because I do not get the attention that I feel that I should.

I know that I am an adult that is expected to live like an adult but there are times when it becomes difficult alongside being autistic and having mental health challenges I become frustrated when things become overwhelming for me. It makes me feel less valuable than what I am and eventually I will sulk about how bad life really is when it is not. I can only see what is wrong many times instead of what the positive attributes are.

It is never the fact that I am better than others although interacting with others who do not “get” things can be difficult, but I know deep down that is not the way to see myself. I know that I have many challenges and have done many things repeatedly that have wreaked havoc among many, but there have been many who have given me multiple chances time and time again along with still include me as a way to continue to boost my confidence and feel as if I am a valued person. It can be hard to see that sometimes when there is so much of a disconnect from not feeling understood and accepted, but actually it is quite the opposite.

Nonetheless, I am working more of determining where my self-esteem needs to be and how much I can bring to the table instead of making issues out of things that do not need to be or not being the person that others know I can be. Sometimes I need to realize that I am such a valuable person, not someone that is better than anyone because we all have our flaws and need to be respectful of each and everyone else in the world.