About a month ago, my mother shared an Instagram reel explaining that whatever you focus on owns you. It sunk in to me that it is all about where you invest your internal energy and it was the drive for me one Saturday to kick it into high gear and stop putting my energy where it is not worth it, instead putting my energy where it can be best used, in myself.

For far too long, I have focused on things that has happened in the past that I can no longer change, but for the longest time, my brain so deeply focused on wanting to believe that I could make those changes happen, even though I knew it was and still is impossible to do. It builds up continual anger and harsh feelings about others and I worry about them so much that I know that they do not even think about me equally as much.

I started to realize that like has been told to me many times, I have to let go of those feelings and thoughts that I have had and not feed into them because they are just thoughts and no longer have any value to me whatsoever because what is being thought of will never happen and I know I could do something to focus my energy elsewhere so it is not stuck so deep in the past in a place that it has no business being in.

Thinking about how hard life was because it was on top of not taking care of my mental health for a good portion of when I was most stressed made me see that it was holding me back from being happy and free because I was letting it control my life because my brain wasn’t the best and it was working overtime to see all the thoughts that weren’t true. Even after realizing that by just taking my medicine like I was supposed to allowed me to see that it isn’t as bad when I do what I need to do to take care of myself so I am not so deeply invested in things that are never going to change, even if I want to think it will, I know it won’t.

For far too long, I have never invested as true as myself as I have needed to because I never saw the merit until I could see that there were so many issues with the way I was acting and how changes could really make me intensely irritable to the point that it was difficult to regulate myself. From then on, I understood the necessity of adhering to my medication regimen continuously because the world today is so out of whack. Looking back, I could see all the times I invested too much energy into the things that I had no control over or care to, but it really brought me down immensely.

Nonetheless, I am focused on myself more because I know that things with my lie can never change if I keep putting my care in the backseat while focusing my energy in places where it doesn’t need to be. I am willing to put the past behind us and move forward to a new direction where I am much more relaxed and ready to move on with my life.