For the longest time, the thoughts I perceived about a particular medication were flawed to the point that there was a huge disconnect between understanding the necessity of it. As such, I was not in the right mind to the point that I made very drastic decisions not only once but twice and still until a few months ago did not totally understand the necessity of a certain medication because my thoughts about it were flawed. I had to realize that I needed to move past those flawed thoughts and move on.

I learned that I would never have peace about the medication till I totally understood it and even knowing that there is value in every single dose and missing just one dose can be challenging although I liked the withdrawal symptoms, they were in no way healthy for me. Even being off of the medication, a couple of days made me a very irrational person and as such my challenges were more intense and it could be difficult to regulate and not overstimulate when moments triggered.

It took taking notes and seeing when things were issues and that they occurred when I did not have my medication that they were intensified. Not having it created the issues that it is intended to treat. Although it was long related in my family in helping me sleep, and while  I did understand how that was related to when I was in those early days and why it was put into place, the fact that it has worked for over two decades without any issue speaks volumes in the effect that it is something that should never be messed with. I now for certain totally understand the necessity of all of my medications because it is intended to help me and not hurt me.

I cannot stress the importance of documentation of your own days and the behaviors that are experienced noting when they are more challenging than others by seeing the culprit behind the why and how that they happen. I had eventually learned that there is more of a benefit to taking my medication continuously while being patient and working through the side effects because they offset the dangers that could come from not taking my medication. They are minimal in nature and while they can be a small bother in the day, it is worth being able to have your logic and sense together so I can have the quality of life that I desire.

For far too long, I have danced around the reality that my medication is to help me and not hurt me. Now that I have been able to see it on a more intricate scale, I can see that there are more benefits than risks when it comes to taking it. And while there have been some side effects of not only this particular medication but also others, I have to be the one that finally puts my foot down and does the hard work at combatting the side effects while adhering to my medication regimen and if there continues to be an issue, then I seek additional help rather than focus on fixing the problem on my own.