Throughout life, when I have had meltdowns, I have pointed out others for their flaws by exclaiming YOU instead of what I am feeling. Many times, I want to focus on how others are hurting me emotionally rather than what I am feeling. Many autistic people experience difficulty expressing or identifying what they are feeling and as such go to those that they can feel are targets. I now realize that I need to explain more of how I  feel rather than what I think of the precipitator behind what causes my meltdowns.

Sometimes we as autistic people don’t have the answers about what we are feeling. It can also be difficult to address what you are feeling with someone in authority or that it is in authority that what is being said, the way it is being said and so forth will be valid and understandable. I have been glad to been able to have many of the same trusted authority figures over the years and they also know when something isn’t right with me.

It should be in that relationship that I need to see of all the extra opportunities that they have given me to bounce back from some of my most challenging moments. Those include meltdowns, relapses and so forth that could have been cause for me to be dismissed from a certain environment or their function. But they continue to see my asset and work to find what the issue that is being experienced and find solutions to remedy the issue.

I am learning that it is so much easier to just say what is bothering me rather than dance around my frustration with someone or not give the direct reason or thing  that is difficult for me to undertake. It can be hard to be honest, but eventually it does come out. However, there are times when I become more anxious and develop more energy than normal and as such the feelings come across about what someone did or what their flaws on instead of what is bothersome to me and what I want to advocate for.

It can be said that effective self-advocacy is using “I” rather than ‘You” statements to get the point across. It is also being kind and calm and not letting our overly enthusiastic feelings get in the way of addressing what our concerns are with someone instead of pointing out the flaws behind them. It is also knowing that one may not understand what is behind all parts of what a situation entails rather they want to point out what they see without knowing all the details.

Yes, there may be feelings about why something isn’t the way that works for you – So it is important to make sure it is about you by addressing how something involves you and what is challenging for you instead of pointing out others for their flaws. It is working on building rapport with those in authority and working towards being able to effectively communicate in a way that makes you feel comfortable to understand each other so you can focus on you instead of what they are all about or what you may not know.