For years, I have had difficulty understanding what my role is in whatever environment that I am in. I would want to be the one to ‘chime in’ and offer my opinion on things that mostly didn’t matter to me. This would at times cause additional difficulty and additional stress not only upon myself, but those that were involved too, even if I didn’t need to be. As you may know, autistic people can be quite blunt and honest and as a result, it can cause some troubling solutions if it is not managed properly.

Part of this was being able to establish boundaries to protect my mental and emotional well-being becoming more stressed and elevated. Sometimes I personally cannot stop thinking about things that can turn into phrases (known as echolalia) or feelings that can really bring down my day so roughly that I it can be hard to divert my energy away from those negative irrational thoughts that I am feeling.

Granted, I take medication to help keep the edges of these thoughts away. It took me a long time for me to understand that I need my medication every day in order to have the quality of life that I deserve. Regardless, one of the biggest barriers in not developing thoughts that I don’t need to have is knowing my role in the environments that I am in.

Over three years ago, I started to build boundaries around those that were toxic to me, but I eventually realized that I needed to build better boundaries in order to protect my mental and emotional wellbeing. This has helped me learn that I cannot be responsible for everything even though my anxiety wants me to have control of things because I am more at ease when I know everything that is going on.

Sometimes, it is trusting the process by knowing that things will happen by developing necessary coping skills and defense mechanisms in order to get through the toughest moments. It is also knowing that many times that my thoughts are residual and are not true, valid or even exist anymore. That too has been a big step at toning down my anxiety and not making things as bad as they have been in the past because in the end, I am using better coping mechanisms in having the assurances that I need to have without feeling like I have to be on top of others because I feel unsafe or that my emotions could be easily heightened.

There are things that I now realize that I need to do to focus on my needs alone and not be in everyone’s business. Social concepts can be hard to understand and there can also be an urge among autistic people to want to be a part of something, but there are times and places for such activities and knowing what is appropriate and what is not is key in making sure that things are successful and your mental and emotional wellbeing is in check and things like irrational and intrusive thoughts do not hinder the days you must conquer unpleasant things.

It is also knowing your role and being able to take direction or criticism without being overly angered because someone tells you in a tone that may be sensitive to you. I have had those moments and as hard as it can be to become angered or upset by the way something it told to you, they are likely telling you something for a good reason and it is in a way a directive that should be respected and honored.

In the end, by learning and knowing my role, I am realizing that my emotional and mental wellbeing can be so much better if I allow myself to just put my focus on what I need to do instead of worrying about all the things that I cannot control or that even others are not worried about. I am a better person because of it and don’t have to be seen as different or inferior for doing so.  I deserve to be happy.