It can be obvious that one thing that many autistic people can be adamant about is their rigidity to adhering to a routine without allowing any “wiggle room” or flexibility to that occurring. Although I have been open to things not being completely rigid over the years, the COVID-19 pandemic was a struggle on many autistic people by making many of the things that they have come to know be abruptly changed, sometimes several times. While I was able to move along with things, it is knowing that things can change and that I need to be patient with things as the process.

There has been several changes over the past few years that has been difficult for me. Not being medicated in some instances has not helped the situation. For some people, medication works at making things able to be withstood. I am one of those that finally understands that medication gives me the quality of life that I need to have for navigating the socially complex world that is often not met to our needs.

It can be hard to imagine  a life beyond what I used to believe was so rigid. Granted, anxiety gets in the way at times of allowing me to be regulated about things or be open to things not happening the way that I want them to. For the longest time, I wanted to believe that I had control of things because it made me feel comfortable, but in essence, it is also being open to what other people want in their lives too and knowing that the world doesn’t revolve around what makes me feel comfortable.

It is indeed stepping out of that comfort zone, understanding and being able to realize that there are other things that may at first seem uncomfortable or scary, but taking a chance on them instead of pushing them away from my life because it brings such discomfort to me and allowing me to stay in the same track because it makes me feel comfortable is something that I am continuing to see that is a possibility for me.

It may seem uncomfortable and scary because we as autistic people are away from what makes us feel comfortable and safe without knowing that things will be okay if you allow oneself to believe that doing something different will eventually find comfort and may even provide new opportunities for you. Sometimes, things don’t work out and that is OK too. It takes evaluating what the barriers are to what made something a challenge and working through them.

It has been many years since I have opened myself up to allowing things to be change and not reacting in the ways that I used to. Granted, the bigger that I find security in things, the harder it is to not react or want to constantly think about things that are comfortable for me. But is being patient and giving myself grace in the process of allowing me to accept things that can be difficult and allowing me to take a leap forward into different things.