Held on February 15^th, Singles Awareness Day is a day to celebrate the freedom to focus on yourself and your goals. Over the last few weeks, I have been asked and encouraged to have goals in my life. For the longest time, I was in disbelief about having goals. I did see on my Random Acts of Kindness calendar a suggestion one day to make a list of what I want to accomplish in 2025.

It had me think of a few things. Lose some weight, get my mental health under control, and other personal goals. But it wasn’t until recently that I allowed myself to see that it is my anxiety that holds me back from doing new things in some regard, including connecting with others because I fear that something bad could happen when I connect with others.

When the suggestion is noted that I meet with others, I can get anxious to the point that I don’t want to do anything of the sort. I want to just run away from the possibility of it because it has unknowns and makes me feel uncomfortable because of many factors. I don’t believe that I will be successful what I am being asked to go through will be successful or that I will make something bad happen. I deflect by saying that I am not a great communicator, when in fact I am. I don’t allow myself to see beyond my deficits and allow more of my qualities to appear.

The truth is if I allowed myself to see more of my qualities and things I can do instead of making excuses and reasons I cannot do things that are out of my comfort zone or taking things to a different environment with those that I know because it is something different and I can’t allow myself to take a step outside of what I feel comfortable doing to be something that people know that I can be and be beneficial to them at the same time.

If we as human beings lived life doing the same thing continuously without taking the chance on things that at first make us uncomfortable, then life would be bland. Granted, this is harder for autistic people such as myself because we find comfort and safety in routines and things we know that will be there. But over the last year or so, there have been many things that have changed in my life, a new worksite, a new supervisor after over 13 years, and even the way I was transported on my own for the first time in nearly two decades. Were these things easy or comfortable for me? Not totally, but once I let myself get used to them and see their benefits or that I could trust them, things got easier to digest.

Yes, there are still struggles, but they are not as hard. I am seeing that my anxiety holds me back from doing things, but it takes working through it and allowing me to see that there is possibilities and potential for growth, including the ability to see past what I fear the most.