From the surface, trauma can be hard to detect in a purpose, but it is when I know I am experiencing flashbacks, thoughts, irritation, anger, and other negative emotions to experiences in the past that were a struggle for me to let go of. They remain in my mind and at times when you think they can and will go away, they will appear and as hard as they can be for someone to explain, adding being autistic and never pinpointing what exactly you are experiencing to trauma can be a big revelation to someone who hasn’t fully understood what they are experiencing.

There can be no one to blame at times when there is a belief that they were doing the right thing. While there are symptoms of trauma that vary depending on the severity of what the experience is, it can be essentially any moment that has been stressful in the autistic person. It is not in a way that it is getting their way, rather it may have been an instance when they were struggling with sensory or other needs that provide them comfort that could not be met. Many times, the thought of those moments when it was the roughest for them will replay in their head repeatedly until there is a way to relieve themselves of the feelings that they are experiencing.

 Just understanding why these things are happening is a big step in of itself that can be hard to understand. It may seem very miniscule to many but to the autistic person this can be the biggest challenge and can show itself in ways that can be quite damaging if not under control. It can be living life in fear of something bad happening or things not going as planned. But because something challenging has happened to the autistic person in the way that it did and it was challenging for them to experience what they had to go through in the way that it did, it is more difficult to be at peace with things that may not mean anything at all to the neurotypical person, but to the autistic person, they way that they are feeling about the same situation can be totally different.

I have been taught many skills, especially restructuring the thought cognitively in order to see that I am indeed safe along with practicing radical acceptance in the things that I cannot change by making things as best as possible. Part of that is accepting that I am autistic and that things that help me get though the situation may also need to be a part of the process to without feeling shame or guilt about it.

In the end, it is a big step to define that some of the things I have experienced in the past has been traumatic to me and can still play a part in my daily thought process, but it is working through those challenges in the best way possible to avoid any negative reactions to the things that I cannot control along with using my support system when things become too overwhelming for me.