Through all that has gone on in my life, it can be hard to love myself for my flaws when there has been the potential for being happy when things are imperfect. I have learned that the having flawed thoughts about things can set me apart from what I believe is real and good for some to what is good for me. I had to learn to love myself for my flaws even though I know they are challenging, what matters most is me having the best quality of life possible.

Part of that journey has been what finds me happy and whether or not it is valuable to me and my mental health. If I loved things about myself but I was not mentally well, then what purpose does it serve me? It can be hard to admit things that only appear when you are not yourself, but if they are hurting other things that provide you with the things you need when you are out of your own world, then is it really worth it to you?

It can be hard when you see others doing things that you want to do or have live from what can be portrayed as easier from what you see. But honestly, you can’t see what all is happening behind the scenes of what you see. Even if they have one thing that you like about them that you want to model in yourself and you get frustrated because it is not able to happen in your life, it is no reason to be angry. I had to learn that the hard way. Even though my life is challenging, the fact is that autistic people experience things in a variety of ways. What may happen in one person may  not work in another. The same can be said for our neurotypical counterparts.

Just because you see something, or someone wants you to experience something in the way that you did may mean that it may not happen the same way in your life. I had to learn this the hard way when I was taking care of myself. And what may be happening is not worth making changes to see if said thing could or would happen. Instead, in some parts of my life, it is realizing that what has been proven to work is there for a reason and the real issues that I need to work on are not what are just fantasies or dreams, instead it needs to be the real issues that need to be addressed.

Part of me could be angry with what I cannot do, but then what good does that do me? It is learning to live with the challenges that are with me and living with my flaws instead of having a flawed way of thinking that things are better than when they are not. That is what has happened to me for so long and now I have accepted things necessary to live with life the way that things are because of my flaws, not because I have to but because it is better in that respect.

Yes, there are times when I experience emotions, but I work through them and continue to find healthier ways to manage them. It is part of a process that takes time, being kind to myself and giving grace for the process.