It can be hard to believe that I have been through the past six or so years of my independent living. There were the deep and darkest moments that I had to pack everything and start over and then there was the final reality that I had to close the door on past unhealthy behavior as I did with the close of 2024. After battling those unhealthy behaviors for over six years, I made the decision to close the door to them and work towards just getting back into a better place in 2025.

It has been a month since I made that decision, I can tell that it is paying off. It is also constantly reminding me as to why I need to do things to care for myself and putting off things that are less important and prioritize meeting obligations that help keep me well at home, including having a well-balanced budget that includes making better choices as far as my food and beverage choices are concerned so I can have the luxury of things like Cable TV to help me cope with the challenges that are faced in my daily life.

There is the reality that by doing what is necessary for optimal mental health and well-being, thing that I experienced as part of being autistic, including irritating elements that included scripting and echolalia have ceased as a result of making my mental health first priority and believing that medication, while having its physical challenges, has mental health benefits that outweigh the aforementioned ones.

It has been the numerous cycles that I have experienced over the past six or so years of not taking care of myself to realize that there were many saving chances and graces when there did not need to be. There were so many people that were concerned that I even wanted to believe, but when I was in that negative moment, I was believing that those same concerned people were ganging up on me because they did not want me in my life.

The reality of the situation is that my brain and its way of thinking about many things including medicine at the time was very flawed in nature. I eventually realized that there could have been crisis intervention (which was located in the building I had my big relapse of 2023, by the way) could have been involved and I could have lost so much, but it was through the saving graces of so many that have saved me from that numerous times that got me back on track.

But in the end, it had to take me to realize how important it was to get back on track and understand my medication fully, the purpose of it and the necessity of always taking it as directed, because not doing so is what had set me off kilter in the first place, especially when the outside world had become too much for me. Therefore I am working at making things better for me so I could prevent myself from falling in the trap that I have previously fell in and realizing that the recovery from falling into relapse is very difficult for me and that I am choosing to no longer hide my mental health from those I trust the most. I am ready to move on with my life.