I remember it as always, my parents would turn to CBS and the ticking of the second hand would play reminding me that the news program 60 minutes was on, thus reminding me that the weekend was coming to an end and that I would have to resume my normal routine the next day. While it a difficulty for many years, I have become used to knowing that going out and about at any time during the week is just a part of my life and that it doesn’t matter what day it is, it is just as important as doing anything, and the fear, while complex in that very moment, will eventually cease within time.

Back then, I worried so much about things. Would what I have to do be so challenging because of the circumstances that it involved and the challenges that it brought, never seeing a light to the end of the tunnel, then being dissatisfied with life in general, feeling trapped as life was this vicious cycle that never seemed to end where it was week in and week out with no potential at the time beyond where I was trapped. It was further difficult for me when my mother had holiday observances on a Monday and I did not, me thinking that it was unfair that she could have a day to herself without me understanding that she needed the time to herself as we were often attached.

While things did change to some degree when I moved out on my own, part of the factor of not caring was that I was not taking care of my mental health, thus missing several doses of my psychotropic medication, this making me think in a grandiose state of thinking. I now have seen that way of thinking in TV shows through  YouTube clips that highlight bipolar disorder at its worst during a manic episode. The Showtime show Shamelessis a good one in this regard. So as time went on, I was never really myself and was really all over the place.

The COVID-19 Pandemic arrived in 2020 and the constant routine that I thrived on ceased, but eventually things got better, but there was hardly a five-day a week of going to program and work, although it is near that for the most part now, and Mondays are a part of that, it has gotten better in getting through those Sunday Scaries. Part of that is when a good part of the weekend is spent on my own and I acknowledge the fact that I do need to get out and do something for me. There are holidays, but I now observe them, sometimes out of necessity, sometimes not, but I recognize the necessity of having a routine when at all possible and the need for that to be respected in my own regard.

As time has evolved, I have been taking care of my mental health and things have gotten better for me because I now recognize the need to give myself a little more tender loving care, or TLC on Sunday evening in preparation for the next day, being kind to myself and giving myself a little more grace than I would otherwise, making an easier transition into the next day than what I would other days, making sure that the transition is a smooth one.