One of the worst states that I can feel as doubt. It can be wondering if things are going to happen, thinking whether I set them in place, or even how the day itself is going to go. I sometimes do not even presume upon myself that I am able to do the things that I know if I put forth the effort that I can do. But with occasional reassurance and continued effort, I know that things will turn out to be fine.

There has always been doubt in my life that things are going to fall into place, especially in the ways that I get back and forth towards things. Thankfully for the current days, I understand that there is a subscription with my shared-ride transportation except for one day of the week that makes it certain that unless I cancel the arrangement, that things are going to take place. There can be occasional doubt when something is different from the normal schedule or that I need to add on my own, but then I have my cell phone to look back at the day because most often I set the time up at the farthest timeframe to guarantee my seat, as it is suggested to do so by the transportation entity.

Then there is doubt that things will eventually get better for me, and this can lie in a great pity-party of how bad my life is when in fact it is not. Even though I have not accomplished some things yet, as I believe I can’t for some things, maybe there is a fact that maybe in time they can be and I need to be patient with myself and let things get better, do what is needed and give myself a chance to understand what being totally mentally and physically well can be. Things will fall into place as they can sometime, but there is a reality that I need to continually take care of my mental wellbeing and not lie into old unhealthy habits without feeling some sense of purpose as to why I keep doing things.

Part of facing reality is that things will never get better unless I take the initiative to work on my mental health towards protecting myself from things like triggers and not relapsing is pivotal in that regard. As hard as it can be to get back into old habits because of one thing or another there is a reality that my brain works best when I am medicated and the ability to reason is much greater where I can continue to find reassurance with the things that cast doubt over me.

Having the belief that I can cast doubt away from what is being brought forth and redirecting my energy elsewhere where it can be more beneficial to me and the life, I am living instead of not doing what is needed then falling down into a spiral that can be very hard to get out of. Realizing that getting out of a spiral that I have led myself to is only my fault and that I must do what is necessary to keep out of that trap that I have the potential to fall in, rather shield doubt by reassuring myself that everything is going to be just fine.