It has been a long road for me to get where I am today. There is nothing shy about that. I have been through quite a lot of challenges. As hard as it has been to look at things sometimes, it has been by God’s Grace that I am still here, when I have doubted that many times, but through being out of the darkest and not so darkest, I know that I am in a good place now, but it hasn’t always been that easy.

I have been employed for a decade and a half, but there were many times that I was not satisfied with that because of factors that I knew that I could not control. Those factors were challenging for me to get through the day-to-day of my life. Even though I could not see the truth of what I was experiencing, when a change was made last year that I was at first totally against, I eventually learned that it was the best thing for me due to the fact that many of the issues that I was having about my job that didn’t even involve my job were resolved and no longer a issue for me.

I could not even see the fact that they were behind my own discontent or discomfort. I saw things as they were told to me and no matter what I was told to the contrary, I believed that. But what if what I was being told had some differences to it? I was unwilling to see things as how they should be, not how they were told to me, and this brought a very flawed sense of thinking that wanted me to avoid the stressors that were caused.

I could not believe that many of the stressors that I was experiencing were not only of the flawed thoughts that I was led to believe, but also that it had been a contentious situation for several years that time after time caused negative reactions about people and things that should not have been seen in the light that they were. It can be hard to see things as my own because  I was led to believe things that were not completely true or the way that they should have been. It was a very deep disconnect that made coping with the day-to-day of my life difficult.

Even as the last major negative reaction was had, I would always know that nothing was ever certain for the circumstances that it involved and even though that cloud that would forever be there would be eventually lifted, it would take me a long time to fully understand and not place the blame on those behind making the change to what it is today that makes things so much more easier for me to cope with and manage.

It has taught me that I need to sometimes see things from a total lens instead of looking at it from the way that I am told. I may also need to realize that I need to see what a role totally involves and that I do not have control over everything or can have everything the way that conveniences me. By things being in a much better place, it brings me more longevity to my work and assures me that I have a very minimal probability of having a meltdown in an environment where I know where others look to me as inspiration, the way that it should be.