Throughout the last six years of living independently, it has been a journey of itself to say the least. There has been a lot that I have learned about myself that has made me more of who I am but there is a part of me that has realized that there are parts of life that I no longer want to carry into 2025.

There were a lot of things and behaviors that I wish I had not produced as a part of not being well mentally, but I know that a principal part of that is that I was not adhering to my medication regimen and that has a big part in understanding that can lead to tempting and risky behavior.

Looking back, I think about all the risky behaviors that I was experiencing and now that it is 2025, I realize that is the life that I no longer want to lead. That is who I never was and never who I should be. I got back into church a few years ago and have forgiven my sins repeatedly, yet I had never stopped the behavior that I was experiencing because I believed that if I were forgiving myself from time to time it would be OK. But what I did not realize was that I was only continuing to hurt myself the deeper I dug myself into behaviors and not caring for myself. That is a life I no longer want to live going forward.

As ironic as it is, there were many years that I was unwilling to totally understand the difference between right and wrong and particularly whether it was right for me to believe that as I went to church. Deep down I knew it was wrong behavior and there were things that I did that I would never have done living under my parents roof. Life is full of temptation out there; it is up to one to believe what they choose.

I do know what is morally right and the difference between what is morally right and morally wrong and I know that God has saved me many times from falling into bigger traps than what I could get myself out of. It is only so long before it becomes too late, or I am punished worse than I have been punished recently. It is part of realizing that I must make wrongs right and do what I need to do to guide my moral compass.

It is not to be too preachy but the fact that I know that there was someone looking out for my wellbeing when I was not well myself is what I call a true miracle. It took me a long time to believe that I should go back to church and then understand it as well as I do. For that I feel that it has been a big part of understanding the truth behind when I was doing the wrong thing and now realizing how bad it feels when doing the wrong thing is.

As I continue to put the negative behavior away with years past, it is of a learning experience that I not plan on carrying on the behaviors into 2025 because there has been parts of life that have escaped and have been replaced with new things that have been more helpful than what the old unhealthy behavior has produced for me.