As I begin 2025, I have set the intention for a much better year ahead than years past. Despite all the family struggles, challenges with other things and so forth, one thing that I have a grasp on is my mental health and my medication adherence, something that I had struggled with for an extended period. I had never seemed to break free of wanting to do just what I wanted to do because I thought I could get away with it without understanding the causes of not fully adhering to my medication.

Even though I had two relapses in nine months, I had to realize by educating myself how my medication works along with understanding that the way I was living was no longer the way that I wanted to live. I wanted to live in a world where I could conduct myself in a way that was becoming more of me and not of which I was so volatile.

I realized that others saw me even at my slightest moments of going off course and that with new changes in my life, that it is more than ever imperative that full adherence is key rather than being all over the place where it was hard to understand where I was mentally. There was also a part of me that had behaviors that were not appropriate, and quite distasteful. In 2025, I worked at removing triggers to getting to those behaviors and instead working towards finding better ways to manage myself in a way that I see fit.

You cannot be a human being living two lives and by me not being able to be adherent to my medication, this is what I was causing. But by understanding how all the medications were put in place to work together, I now totally understand the importance of taking them all, regardless of what I was long led to believe. The medical staff know what they are doing, and they must be the ones behind the decisions that they make. I go for routine blood work to determine if the levels are appropriate for me and have been doing so for two decades before moving on my own. There was a part of me that wanted to believe things, but they have since been discredited due to proper education and research on my part.

It is also the fact that I was so tired of having to bounce myself back each time I went on my long withdrawals and knowing how much I had to do to get back on track that I decided to do what was right once for all in 2025 and let go of the past behaviors that I was experiencing because it was just too much volatility that I no longer want to experience. It was like a secret or a lie that I was living and I just wanted to be free of it finally.

I am extremely hopeful that I can put all the years of the past behind me and work towards bringing a better me out in 2025 whatever that may be. It still may not be perfect, but it is a lot better than what it once was because I decided to let go and prevent old behaviors from happening that are not healthy or appropriate to be in my life anymore.