While late 2023 and 2024 have brought forth many changes, it has been for most of 2024 that I have, in many parts, been unwilling to let go of past practices before the current changes have taken place. While I at many times understand that the changes have been better in many parts, there are still parts of me that want to believe that the past ways are going to come back, even though I know that is not true and would be detrimental if that were to happen.

Throughout the past several years before change was implemented, it can be hard to see that things for me were worse than what they are today. I wanted to quit everything and stay at home. Indeed, I wanted to do that when the changes were going to happen last year, and although I was reluctant to see that things were going to be better, they were for so many reasons and not only promoted independence but provided so many more opportunities for me that I wasn’t able to believe could happen if I had given them the chance to work themselves out.

Some of the experiences of the past come up in my brain as ruminating thoughts or what I call “scripts,” otherwise known as echolalia, where certain phrases are repeated. Even though what has been said or what I think should have been said is long gone, it still appears in my headspace from time to time, although it has been easier to escape by learning how to, it does not make it easy at times and can be hard to get through.

I can accept reality for what the current situation is and know that most meltdowns in those environments resulted in uncertainty of past practices. I know that it is healthier to let things go than what they were and focus on healthier coping mechanisms in the coming year. I know that things are much healthier for me and many others because of the changes that have been made in the past year or so and I am slowly working to let go of the past practices and be more understanding of the way things are now.

Although there was much hesitation in the new way of doing things because of the way that things were with them previously, it too has improved, and things have become much more dependable and trustworthy. I have met some great people and even some old acquaintances because of making a change that some had to make a decade ago. I am grateful for the way that things are now and do realize that things will never change, that in the end it is a good thing for many reasons that caused many behaviors on me and had toxicity in the environment that I no longer need in my life. I know if I keep reminding myself of the positives of making better choices not only with this change but many others that I have started 2025 doing, things will be much better looking ahead.