One of the biggest things that can upset autistic people is change. It is often because they thrive off routines and find comfort in them. They know that they are there and can expect what is going to happen from one moment to the other. But what if that is lost in the matter of a few sentences or moments? It can turn things quite chaotic.

While autism itself is a spectrum disorder, meaning that change affects each person differently, there is some capacity to understand it, especially in people like me. When there is anxiety involved, as there is in me. I instantly get triggered, and my body fills with adrenaline and cortisol. All I can do is think about taking my anger or frustration out on someone verbally because I learned that physical aggression is not appropriate and can be quite consequential if acted in that manner.

I often think of echolalia or scripts of things I want to say, or I will just say it without thinking. I am more vulnerable at doing this if it is someone that I feel safer around. I know that I need to stop and think about more than myself and within time I will be able to do that. But as my body is filled with adrenaline and cortisol, all I am thinking is “how can I get out of this situation? This is part of the fight or flight scenario of anxiety, of which I of the latter. I want instant relief and remedy of the situation that is bothersome and have lost my grasp of control of.

 Even if it is a change and it is something that is different or new, it may not be an instant remedy to my overwhelming anxiety that I am feeling. It is important to express my feelings with someone that I trust. Over time, I am trusting more people and having the supports that I need to have, even though I have not always seen that, there are people who care, and they have shown that from time to time.

Often, I feel secluded in my anxiety because I feel that it is ‘silly’ or ‘foolish’. It is often that I need to have reassurance that things are going to happen. I must give credit to those who give me the reassurance that I need, even when I feel and sometimes know that it is a bother to them. It takes me to throw a plug in there that I am a little nervous and just need that reassurance to know that things are going to happen.

After that, I know that I will be fine. Granted, we as human beings are not going to know everything nor is it going to happen when we want or expect it to happen. Sometimes things are going to happen that we don’t expect but learning how to manage ourselves in situations that we seem to not have control, providing reassurance and knowing what we can control, especially the way that react can go a long way in knowing that things will be easier for us to handle.

It is knowing what works for you that matters and how you can best get through situations that you cannot control that matters most, not how they look or seem to others.