Small Talk is one of the big things that autistic people struggle with. For me it was not always understood and to this day there are still moments that I struggle with it. But I have come a long way since those early days of not wanting to talk at all when in unfamiliar situations to being able to communicate fluently and have small talk when initiated.

Small Talk is the nonexpert’s term for passing conversations when interacting with others whether it is a coworker, the bus driver, the cashier or anyone else you meet. Growing up, I could not make eye contact, I was often prompted to do so, thus giving me the reminder that it is necessary when interacting with others. There are still those moments when I feel bad about something that eye contact is not attained.

I remember about twenty or so years ago, I could not even make a phone call to friends of the family on a cell phone to let them know that we were on our way. I could not even communicate with members of the day services or just anyone else for that matter. Through time small talk was one of those things I had to master on my own, with the occasional guidance from my psychotherapist. But as I had gone to vocational training, making small talk had to become something that was necessary to my roommate, dorm mates, classmates, and anyone else that I would meet in my path.

It was in a class at vocational training called Employer Expectations that I learned more about small talk. Learning what topics were appropriate on the job, some baseline topics and what not to include. Eventually, things got better as it related to small talk and the conversation grew more where I could join social situations to where others got to know me more and I got to know them.

Eventually as I entered the working world, I mastered small talk and worked at understanding the expectations and norms of communication. It still can be a struggle, but I do not let it get to me because I know that I am only human and not perfect. Being autistic brings that struggle, and all my coworkers know of my challenges. I will not lie that it angers me when I feel or know that I have done something erroneously when it comes to small talk or not understanding unwritten communication or expectations, but I eventually let it go and move past it.

Small talk has gotten better as it comes to new or unknown situations where I can sense what others are experiencing, sometimes the same as me or that they can ease my mind when it comes to something unfamiliar. Small talk is the thing that I am proud of learning about, practicing and even mastering through the lived experience of some formidable people that have crossed my path in life. Small talk is one of those things that are never going to go away. Mistakes are going to happen, but they are not going to be the worst thing that can happen on any given day. The conversation moves on and so do you.