It can be hard sometimes, but there have been many times when my anxiety has creeped up on me not wanting to do things that I had previously committed to, but I keep strong and just do it because I had said that I was going to do it. That is one of those unwritten social rules that you just follow because it says that you must. You just do it no matter what.

Once I get into the environment that I need to be in, I feel more at ease. It just takes that initial push to do what needs to be done because I have said that I would do something. This month has taught me a lot of that for my weight loss support group. I am a team captain for a contest that we are doing for November, meaning that I must not only support my fellow teammates, but I must be there to keep score each week of what points myself and other team members receive for the progress they have made.

There are also many things in life that make me feel initially uncomfortable because they are not a part of the initial makeup of what is wanted to be done during the day, but they are my responsibility and being the one that is in charge of what is going on, I must the one that has the skills and sense to make things happen, part of that is participating in whatever I say that I am going to do, especially if there is no reason mentally or physically why that cannot happen, I must push through the anxiety or the fear that I am experiencing because deep down once something occurs and I am at ease, I know that everything will be fine.

Anxiety is common in autistic people. I am no different when it comes to it. It has been a diagnosis in addition to being autistic that I have been managing for some time. Part of that is to deal with transitions, unwanted change or when we have unexpected things in our daily routines. We as autistic people thrive off routines and when things change or we feel too overwhelmed, we are resistant to whatever changes are forthcoming, even if they are in an environment that is deeply known. There can be some resistance with wanting to do things when needing to transition from one thing to another, something that I often struggle with, especially when I am stuck in one environment for way too long.

The reality is once I get out the door and get to where I am going, I will be fine. It is just that burdening anxiety that is so hard to regulate sometimes because I live in fear that something is going to be difficult, different, or unexpected. It can be challenging for me to do what I need to do, but in the end, many times I promise others that I will be where I will be and it is socially unacceptable if for my own selfishness that I don’t do what is expected of me, so as hard as it can be in the beginning, I know that I must do what is expected of me by following through with what I say I will do, whether it is participating in a group activity, leading a meeting or whatever is asked or expected of me to commit to, there is a need to do what we promise unless it becomes way too much for me when I get there or I am expected to do too much that I can’t handle. I know I am more capable of what I am often  led to believe. Regardless, many times, it is just my anxiety lying to me and I can do what I set my mind to.