In my life, there have been times when I have not been my best self. There are things that I know I should do, but it is not sometimes until the worst things happen to me that I start to analyze and learn what the culprit behind the way I act occurred. Sometimes it’s the things that I may never realize, but it may also be the fact that I must learn to make changes to take care of myself to prevent such things from happening again.

There have been many things behind the scenes that have caused meltdowns in the past. My most recent one over a year ago was because of not taking all my medications in combination with having an excessive amount of caffeine. It has been over a year since I have eliminated caffeine and drinking Coca-Cola on a consistent basis, this also has allowed me to have many improvements in my gastrointestinal habits too and not be as agitated as I once was. There is also the fact that I do not normally hydrate or nourish myself as often as I should, that can also be a culprit as why I may get agitated.

There are also factors that play into making sure that I am well, such as getting adequate sleep each night and using the restroom routinely. They may not seem like much, but they are big factors when I become agitated around others, and they  cannot seem why I am that way towards them when it seems like I have done nothing wrong to act in that way.

There have been numerous times when I have hidden the fact that I wasn’t taking my medication, but I now realize that those around me know when I am not myself and I am only hurting myself when I don’t adhere fully to my medication regimen. It has been several weeks since I have missed any doses of medication because I know that I need to be my best self every day since I may never know what to expect anywhere on my travels. Anything could happen that could cause me to react in a way that is unbecoming to me. Additionally, there are so many people out there that look up to me as an inspiration that by me not doing what I need to do to take care of my mental health is like putting on a show and being fake, something that I don’t ever want to be.

When there is something where there is an adverse or negative reaction, it is important to revisit the situation and see what could be improved to prevent the reaction from happening again. As hard as it can be to do or not do somethings, there is a reality that things just must be sometimes and eventually you get used to things being the way that they are, no matter what. It can seem impossible, but when things keep happening that you don’t want to happen and there is constant revisitation to things that you know you can prevent, then it is crucial to do what you need to do to get back on track. Honesty is always the best way to come clear about things and no matter how much it hurts; it feels better once it is said and done and there is ways to find solutions. But until that culprit is found, you will never know how to find solutions to what you are experiencing.