Throughout my life, I have always had second-guessed things. I can never believe what I am told as solid advice. There is always an element of my brain that wants to second-guess things to believe that they are not true and that there is something wrong with what is absolutely going well because I may be led to believe something when in reality I know it is not true, but there is always the part of me that wants to second guess as if it isn’t true.

As a person that has a pessimistic way of thinking about things as I should get the short end of the stick and what I deserve, I always believe that when someone leads me to believe when something is wrong when in fact it is not true, I am always the one to second guess, check and double check whether something is true or not.

It can be the thing that makes or breaks the day because I am led to believe things that are not true even after verifying them with my own eyes that what I was told was hearsay and that I know from the source that it is not true. Though I verified that what was told to me was not true, I still second-guess of what I was told that wasn’t true really was and the thought will stick in my brain for an extended period, and I am relentless to let it go even if it has no merit to be there.

There may be a part of me that wanted to believe things in the past that were in fact true, yet I hid things out of fear of being in trouble or feeling like it was my fault for what happened, when in fact it has not. In fact, those instances have caused some traumatic responses in my brain that I still live with and even though I am not experiencing what I have experienced in the past, I know that when something is wrong, it is best to tell the proper people, so things don’t get bigger than they are initially.

 But, when someone wants you to believe that things are happening when in fact you know that they are not, it makes me second guess what is happening and to get back on track when things initially going well can be hard because all I can think about is whether what someone has told me is true or not. No matter how much I verify or check and see whether it is not true, there is parts of me for some time that second guesses whether it is real or not, even if the person that told me does not know their sources or not, what they have divulged to me is constantly in my headspace as if there is some merit to what was told to me, even though I have verified several times and ways that it is not.

There eventually comes a time when I start the process of letting it go, and even though this has become easier over time, the initial part still exists for nearly an hour or so and can be very terrorizing to my brain and relentlessly pushes me to not allow myself to move on from the thoughts that I have been led to second-guess because I know for a fact where the real position is on the matter at hand. It is just those initial moments that I wish were not so bad.