There is a common myth that autistic people do not show empathy. The fact is that while we do not show empathy when it is expected of us to show empathy does not mean that we do not care. We just show it at a time or in a way that is least expected of us as autistic people.

Indeed, there have been moments when I have not shown empathy when it has been needed or had said things that were inappropriate for the circumstances at hand. I have been scolded about it, especially when it hurts the opposing party that I am with at that moment. At that time, it made me think about how what I have said has been hurtful to them and that I was not empathetic to their needs and how they were feeling at that very moment.

While it isn’t on our minds when we are dishing out our own thoughts and feelings about something without consideration of how others are feeling, especially when it is more effective towards them, it can not be the time to say the things that are not appropriate and can be hurtful towards them and then it ignites a heated verbal exchange that can be hurtful than the words that the autistic person had exchanged back and forth.

We as autistic people show our empathy in different ways. It is shown in ways that we believe are more in the way that we can show on our own that we think will make the ones that are empathetic to happier because we cannot show emotion when it is expected of us during the times when it hurts our neurotypical peers. We as autistic people do not at times understand why our neurotypical peers express themselves the way they are or even have the same feelings as our neurotypical peers.

For me personally, it is like I know I am to be empathic, but I do not know what the best way is to do so. For those that I know better than others, I know that that a hug may be appropriate or something to do something to make the person feel more comfortable than what they are feeling at that very moment. It doesn’t always come easy for me as there is no written manual for empathy, but through the years by example and watching select shows I have figured out the way things work, although I do not experience the same type of emotion as my neurotypical peers, it is more of a masking way of thinking.

In the end, it is my hope that I do better with understanding when it is necessary to be empathic and be the empath that I need to be in more ways than what I currently am, of which I feel know when it is necessary to do so and have been applauded for doing so. For me it is just something that needs to be done and is a part of what comes with certain things. The world goes much better when things that are needed to make people feel the way that they need to feel better are done and I can feel good doing it. Empathy is one of those unwritten rules that you don’t totally understand as an autistic person but once you get the hang of it , it is easier to understand.