My life has been in constant movement the past several months. It can be hard to keep it all in check at times. As there can always be bad news on the doorstep, it is always important to take it all in stride and be my best self to myself and those that I love.

With everything that has happened in the past year, I could play the woe is me card and think about everything that has happened that I did not like in my life, but that would only be hurting myself and making things worse. There is still the fact that there are troublesome triggers in my life that can send me into a depressive state, even though the present moment is much better than what that trigger that I see is.

It can be hard to see what the future is for me, one thing I know is that it will change differently to a degree in the future. It is going to make me be more of a independent person, because as much as it can be hard to be the center of the attention of the family as I had always felt that it needed to be, I know realize that with the issues with my father that it is time to flip the script from the past emotional abuse that I was projecting in order to get the negative attention and realize that I must work on finding ways to keep myself busy and realize that I am not the number one priority in my family.

Do not doubt me when I say that my family and friends care for me, there is no denial about that. The fact of the matter is that my father’s care when he gets home is going to take priority and therefore, I must work on being more independent than I am now. I am grateful for the fact that things like having to use shared ride public transport came into play last December so I know how to transport myself more independently and not have to rely on others as much. However, there must be more on my part to strive on not only being more independent, but also working to live more of my own life.

Living my own life has been something that has not always been a top priority in my life, but life can change in a matter of minutes, and it makes you have to make decisions that can seem scary and challenging for me, but in the end they must be done in order to allow me to be independent and live the life that I need to. I could not imagine how life could be if I had not made the decision years ago to live on my own. It was something that I contemplated for a decade, but through many years of therapy, I worked through fear and took the big leap to independence.

While in the past things have not been perfect, they have eventually been more manageable to the point that I have realized that constant care for myself is necessary to be able to manage whatever challenge is thrown in my way, and that it becomes easier to manage the challenges that are in my path. I have many who care for me, but there is also a reality that I too must do the work at fighting the loneliness and coping with my triggering moments to get through those independent moments and take it all in stride.