For much of my adult life, it has been hard to see the person that the outside world sees. Over the past decade, I have improved at being more socially inclined and being better towards all that I meet. However, there are environments where I let looser about myself because I feel that others deserve to feel how I am in pain about something, but there is a need to be my best self-every day and continue to see that side of me instead of continuing to see what I believe is negative for me.

It can be easy to complain about everything in my life with which I may not agree. There is part of me that perceives reality and does not always see that things are better than what they are. I know I can be a good person when I need to be, but there are times I often criticize myself for one reason or another thinking negatively about situations that are out of my control without being able to see the entire picture of what is involved.

The fact of the matter is in life there is often the potential when you are in the outside world that you are going to meet other people who always expect to see you when you are at your best. I can autistically mask very well when it is necessary to feel as if I can be the person that everyone knows me to be. But there should be an expectation that I should work to be my best every day because those around me deserve me to be that. Playing the woe is me card or thinking negatively about a situation only makes the situation worse not only for those around me, but also for me as well and it can be difficult to recover from situations that cause damaging effects to those around me.

I have experienced situations where I was not in control of myself, and the outcome of events was not good for others. There is part of me that feels a great sense of regret for the way that I acted even though I was told that I was doing others a favor. Sometimes, things happen in mysterious ways and eventually things not only got better in that arena, but it taught me some things that I needed to do to continue to be my best self by making some permanent changes and that certain elements just don’t mix with he challenges and wellness regimens that I have in my life.

Once I figured out what was necessary for me to be well, I figured out that those things are helpful in my mental health recovery and are crucial building blocks in staying well and always being my best self when there could be challenges that suddenly appear in my life. Recently, I have realized that by not doing what I need to do to care for my mental health can influence on events that can be unexpected and cause me to be more reactive.

I want to continue to be the positive person that everyone knows me as. Not being that person only places me in a dangerous situation to make things in my life worse or consequential for me and those around me. I realize that caring for myself can make things more pleasant and easier for me to exist in this world and not continue to fight other people.