Recently, I was watching a video about autistic people living independently on YouTube. That led to a podcast about the most needed skill when living independent. The most important skill that is needed when it comes to living independent is knowing how to ask for help. That made me realize that is one of the skills I know I have, but I do not use it as much as I should.

One of the biggest reasons for not asking for help is that I as an autistic person feel judgment or shame that I did something wrong. Another reason is that we as autistic people often feel ridiculed for needing additional support when it comes to doing tasks that seem simple and can be simple for our neurotypical partners. It can feel when we must ask for help to do something that we are being infantized for doing so.

As many can tell from my ability to eloquently articulate what I am thinking, it can be hard for me to ask for help or put to practice things come easy to our neurotypical counterparts because it feels as if I am less than. It feels like I am childish for having to set an alarm to take my medication or that I need to have extra prompts when it comes to doing things because my brain operates differently than my neurotypical counterparts.

Because I am male, there is the additional flair of masculinity that I you just do not break down and ask for help with things that are typical of masculine people, because that is breaking the male stereotype. That is a big reason that prevents men from getting the mental health treatment that they need because it is a sign of weakness.

However, is it better to continue to live in a land of denial where you continue to ignore the perceived “skeleton in your closet? It is like you want to live in a land of make believe as if “you got this” when really you do not. You feel ashamed or embarrassed because you must set aside whatever pride you are feeling to break down as ask for the help you need.

Many times, in my life, I have disregarded things until it got too late for me to fix them on my own. When they became apparent, it made me feel just as or worse than what I would have if I had addressed the issue head on. While I continue to struggle to see that it is better to ask for help rather than work to solve the issues that I am experiencing on my own and not seeing any resolution to the situation that I am experiencing, I know that there are people in my life who I can trust when I ask them for help, they are going to help me. However, there are those who I feel are going to judge me for not coming to them sooner rather than later with my needs.

Regardless, it is essential that autistic people are not only made aware of how to ask for help when living independently, but also how to be an efficient self-advocate so they can thrive in their independent living situation and live their best quality of life they deserve.