If you have been reading my blog the past week, I have been celebrating the victory of completing six weeks of adhering to my medication regimen. It has been no small feat as I have been battling this issue for most of the six years that I have been living independently. It has and still can be at times a struggle, but six weeks ago, I had to change my perspective towards understanding that taking psychotropic medication provides me with a better quality of life.

Over the past six years I had a very estranged relationship with my medications. Twice in the past 14 months I have relapsed from them and after my little relapse ended six weeks ago, I got the hint that I needed to stop playing the games that I was playing and get back into rhythm with what I needed to do to take care of myself.

It is not like there were any issues with my medication. I had just been uncaring over the course of the past six years, intertwining with discovering who I really was outside the confines of my parents house set up the recipe for quite a complex situation. Even with additional services I could not totally be adherent, but I was learning who I had thought I was but some of what I thought was not even me and it was becoming quite visible and even scary to those who knew me.

 What I would have to say that was the moment was when an authoritative figure had a heart-to-heart conversation with me about their concerns and this was very relatable, and they had shared them with my treatment team. It was the time that I finally understood that I needed to shift my perspective and get back on my medication.

I honestly have to say that the medication doesn’t have a quick fix to what I was experiencing, but being patient and giving it time to get completely in my system after relapsing from one particular medication that I had an estranged relationship with allowed me to see that the benefits outweigh the side effects that I experience or what I had perceived was a side effect. For the latter it was not understanding in all my life that I could do some things if I learned how to  and put my mind to being mindful when doing them.

It also took understanding what my life was like with my medication along living the independent life that I was living because in all honesty, I never really had a true genuine experience of independence while being well, and especially in my current residence of what that would be like. Now seeing what that can be like allows me to see the potential of what life is and the room that I must learn and grow from where I am today.

But overall, it was understanding that when I was messing around with my medication that I was not myself at all and everyone that was close to me knows when I am not know. My behaviors caused them to be scared and concerned for my well-being and that they reached out to my treatment team only out of serious concern and not in a vindictive way. It was because they know of my potential when I am well and only want the best for me as does anyone with which I am involved.

It took learning and accepting that I needed to be grateful for having the perfect cocktail of medication that allows me to have the life that I have and that I need to follow my medication regimen exactly as prescribed, something that I now take to heart. Yes, sometimes there are struggles, but I totally understand the necessity of my medication and it is something that causes no issues in me and once I take the next dose the struggles are eliminated.

Medication is not for everyone, and it affects everyone differently, but for me it provides me with the quality of life that I have and the ability to do the things that I want to do in life. I now understand that it has been proven to work in me for decades and it is essential as water is other medication is in those with physical health issues, I am learning that I am doing much better because I have medication in my life.