As an autistic person, it can be hard to understand the needs of those that we love or those that always care for us. We often do not think about their needs and think that they are our ‘solver.’  When we are in distress or need to tell something that is on our mind, they are the one that we go to. But there are times when it can be hard to not be cognizant of the needs of our supporters.

For many years when I lived under my parents roof, I was the one that was constantly helicoptering over her to find my source of entertainment without understanding the need to work and find my own interests that could fulfill my time, now that I am well, I am still finding what that is and how to go about certain things although I feel as if I have a good palate presently, but there is always room for discover more.

As I began to live on my own, I had discovered that it was important to find the things that were best for me to have interest in without the constant need to be do everything that my mother does alongside me, although there are things that we do together, I do understand that there needs to be things that we do that are ourselves, and eventually as things settle more, I hope that we do that more.

I honestly have gotten better at understanding how to authentically live my own well life separate from what my mother does. It has been a struggle because for the longest time I had hidden so much of what I was doing behind the smoke and mirrors that I thought was healthy. But honestly, she is the one that has always known when I was not my best self and needed to do what I needed to get back on track.

Through everything that we have experienced between us, I have worked at learning to have my own life that is separate from hers but also understanding that there are times when she needs to do her thing to be able to have her own time just as I am having my own time. Through the past several years, it has been hard with sharing some of the things that I have discovered about myself, however in that process even though she knew that there were parts to some of the identities that I was experiencing at the time were not what I really wanted in life, at the time, I was unwilling to accept, but now knowing what she had said, it has helped me align my identity to where she has always known about me and where I likewise feel comfortable.

But it has been a process the past several years when have been the most challenging to realize that all along she has known my true self and that I need to also respect her for her struggles to by being the support that I need to be towards her. It is being cognizant and empathetic of her needs and supporting her in the times that we are experiencing now, while allowing her to have the freedom that she needs to have.

In the end, while we are each other’s’ peruviol rock to the point we once deeply felt each other’s energy, it is slowly beginning to separate, and we can learn to have our boundaries between us and understanding each other’s need to have our own time yet be there to support each other when we need to have it the most.