Throughout my public-school journey, I have had speech therapy. I have been blessed with some of the best ones that allowed me to flourish and pick up on communicative skills that I could voice what I needed to and work towards being the person that I am today. Although, I have never taken it any further into adulthood because when I had gone into post-secondary vocational training, I “passed” the screening. I felt crushed that I was not offered the opportunity to continue to learn more communicative skills.

I should not be surprised. That was over two decades ago and as that was an adult-serving facility, it was apparent that they were not up to the trends that are in today’s world that even I am not familiar with. It has always been apparent that I have difficulties speaking, especially when approaching those that are familiar with me. I am noticing even more when communicating with others that must question what I have previously stated.

Then there are the responses that come in the forms of “buddy,” “honey” and things like that as if I am the special needs person. It has taken me some time to accept that I do have challenges including my recent recognition of struggle to speak effectively. I can communicate in written form as I am right now in this current blog post.

Additionally, I would not change anything about myself and indeed, it may be a bonus that it is more apparent that I do experience challenges so that in the most challenging situations that I am treated with the dignity and respect that is expected. It has taken two decades to accept that I do have challenges, that there is some difficulty in autistically masking. I just wish that I were easier to understand so the ebb and flow of the conversation would go smoother.

Indeed, there are times when it becomes harder to vocalize what I want to say than others, especially in times where I feel enthusiastic about something or when I feel confronted with conflicted people. The latter can also engage other feelings that I would otherwise not prefer to have with others. While I have exhibited quite verbally aggressive behaviors in the past, it is important for me to be reminded to take some time and choose my words carefully before expressing them.

I am a known as a joy to be around when I am well, but when there are other circumstantial factors that can contribute to limit my ability to speak, it can be frustrating, and it is realizing that there is a time when it is important to advocate for tools and accommodation to allowing other forms of communication to be used. It can present fear of having to require extra help when it comes to being an effective speaker. It is not in all situations, but there’s going to be situations where I am going to need to speak of have effective tools that can help me communicate in a more effective way that is helping me and all other parties involved in assuring that I am able to get my point across effectively.