With the close of LGBTQ+ Pride month, Anthrocon in Pittsburgh and being in Disability Pride Month, one thing that I am learning about myself that its more about not trying to fit in, rather it is about being authentic, standing out and having quality friends that can provide natural mutual support and not make me feel so alone in the world.

As I had stated a few weeks ago that through all the experiences of the past six years of being mentally unstable that I have landed on where my place in the LGBTQIA+ spectrum should be and that it is somewhere where I can have peace as a moral being and can protect myself. I also have come to terms with the fact that pride is a sin and therefore I do not boast about my sexual identity as it is something that is shared closely with those, I can feel I can safely do.

Last week, the annual Anthrocon convention was in nearby Pittsburgh for the weekend. There was an incident between attendees in one of the downtown hotels. When the news media interviewed other attendees about the incident, it made me realize that while this convention of “furry” characters seemed weird to some, I could see that for some including autistic and others with similar challenges can feel their place at an event such as this and others like it because the feel that “they belong.”

However, as I have been learning about my mental health conditions, specifically how bipolar disorder can have effects on how one of the warning signs of Bipolar is uncharacteristically risky behavior which flared up things like thinking about behaviors that in no way align with my true moral compass. I have been in waves of understanding this from time to time and have finally come to terms that medication helps play a big part in keeping these risky behaviors at bay. Learning about the incident at Anthrocon made me realize that I had not come to terms with how dangerous my life could be if I had not gotten back on track recently.

Bipolar Disorder is a common comorbidity of being autistic. I have known that I have had it since first being treated for it over 25 years ago. And while I have blossomed well as an autistic person it is also understanding that I also have bipolar disorder. I have discovered that instead of trying so much to fit in, it is more important to do what is right by being a good person, standing out and keeping the true friends in my life.

Friend making is challenging for autistic people, but I am blessed to know so many people that enjoy me as the person as who I am. to have to fit in or conform to what they want to do to get the attention or support that they give me. There should never be any pressure to fit in just to be liked. Those who will be there for you and be who you want to be will treat you right and like you for who you are, not who they want you to be.

After starting to be well and coming to terms with my sexual identity, I had begun to feel as if  I could never connect with anyone ever again because there would be the fear of having a relationship, which can be a lot for me. I have discovered that sometimes it is good to have friends that support you and likewise you can support them when you are able to do so.

Sometimes it is connecting to old friends and realizing that regardless of what you may have believed, felt or the way that you acted in the past, that they still indeed care about you and knew more about you than even you did. You may never know when they needed to hear from you or anyone that can bring the light when they are struggling.

When looking for connections, just be you, do not try to fit in. Stand out and connect with those who you know have your back and support you for all of you. It never hurts to have as many friends as you can get.