As autistic people, it can be difficult to get a “read” on others as the social landscape is navigated. It can be hard to understand feelings we do not know how to feel or that we cannot see. But, once you know understand the depth of what others think and feel about them, it can cause the autistic person to have a purpose and understanding for their life.

Being diagnosed under the autistic spectrum over 25 years ago and even throughout life, navigating the social landscape for me has been indeed challenging. I have been called many things to the negative by my peers throughout school because I was not understood, and they did not understand me. The same could have been said of some of the educators in my path because they did not see that beyond the behavior that was certainly not understood that there was potential.

Even after being diagnosed, it did not totally shine light on what needed to be understood other than I was different and needed to have extra care, support, and sensitivity. Eventually, after I got the care, I needed to come back home; things were better. Some of those educators and peers that saw me in a different light years ago were able to see the excellent quality of my life and even some of those peers are friends on social media with me decades later.

It still was not easy as I went to vocational training as I was held back from feeling comfortable as my past consequences hindered me from expanding my friendliness and being able to be comfortable with myself to those who also wanted to and as I was in the process of discovering myself, so was I and there were even those who at first called me a loser, but others stuck up for me and I left there a better person of my ability to show them that I could at least manage myself to survive.

Yet, there are those feelings that others express about me, that can be hard to understand because they are not those that are easy to understand or can be seen. It also feels as if they are customary in nature and are just expected as a pleasantry, but if they are reiterated over and repeatedly and being enthusiastic about what is being felt, then it is important to embrace it.

Oftentimes, anxiety overrides what I am experiencing and will not allow me to see beyond the level of the friendship or relationship that I have with a person because of past experiences it can be hard to trust someone and realize that they may be genuine in nature and feel that they have my best interests at hand and that I need to take a chance and let myself be exposed to someone else and let them share what they are feeling about me and show their true appreciation for me.

Now that things are much better in my life, I know I need to be better at my life and see that there is hope beyond myself and that there are people that think great things about me, view the positive perceptions that they see about me and take a chance to let them into my life.