Today, marks two months since my manic episode and while I do realize that it was a destructive decision that was made over two months prior that eventually resulted in the episode becoming what it was, it made me realize that were so many people that day that cared about me and still care about my well-being.

Sometimes, when you are living on your own for some time, it can be kind of nagging when you have those that love and support you ask if you are doing things that you need to do to manage your well-being. For many years, this was frustrating to me because I saw it as I was being treated like a child. Until I was in that episode, I always thought others were bothering me because they doubted me. But, in fact they saw me in a state of mental decomposition and when they asked me if I was OK, I covered everything up as I wasn’t because I thought what I was feeling would pass because I was trying something as an adult.

For most of my personal independence, I ignored the advice of my family, and I wouldn’t even for most of the time let them into my home.  But that all changed the day of my episode when they were trying to point out things that didn’t seem right with me. When I was being disrespectful and acting very strange Then I tried to fix it on my own and my mental health declined further and further as the day went on. Supporters, Coworkers and even my pharmacy technicians saw that I was not myself and all they wanted to do was help but I was not being honest in the fact of what I was doing so they could get the process started.  I had many people concerned about me and even in tears to the days before and of my episode. I knew that I had to be honest.

Ignorance of others was a negative coping strategy to prevent me from opening up peruvial cans of worms that I did not want to open. It was a coping mechanism in making me feel comfortable so that I did not have to make myself vulnerable and cause myself to have things or people reject me because in my mind, I felt like a loser and that no one cared about me and I was doing things that I needed to do, however, I was not taking care of myself for a very long time and I had to do whatever was necessary to get myself back on track.

Getting back on track had its own hurdles, amid a move of my workplace did not help in this either. But, as was in times past, family was there to help me get back on track. I included them in my therapy, and we had constructive conversations about the things that I had reluctantly hid from everyone. I had to feel that disappointment and the struggles that we all had to face to get back on track. If there is one thing about me is that I am a brave fighter and resilient. I fought and continue to fight the battles sometimes every day and hour, but I am in a much better place than I once was.

Recently, when things are not according to my ritualistic schedule, family and support staff will ask if everything is OK. Now I do not brush off when I am asked as if they are treating me like a child, rather, they care for me and when something doesn’t seem right, they are concerned for my well-being because they know me and care for me deeply. I now understand the importance of being cared for by others.

Know that when someone cares for you, oftentimes they want nothing but the best for you. When you are not yourself and they raise concerns, listen to them, because they often see something concerning and fear something drastic happening to you that may be too late to repair.