Through recent years, I have come to the realization that I just cannot do all that I want or sometimes need to. I had to learn to accept that to protect my well-being practicing self-care and take care of myself first and foremost as decompression is necessary to manage the outside world that is sometimes too much for me.

Coming from many years ago, self-care was a word that I never heard of. Growing up and living with family, I was expected to go through the motions of the day without taking time to decompress or recharge. The practice of decompressing in ways such as naps and other means of self-care was seen as being lazy and not doing what was expected of me. This in my opinion came from years of being uneducated about what a neurodiverse person such as myself experienced in the day in a world where things were overstimulating for me.

Yes, my family knew that there was a lot of overstimulation in the school day growing up. In the early years, I would do what now is known as autistically masking and then let my feelings out when I got home from school in addition to sometimes having medical appointments and other family obligations without taking time for me to relax, I can see how I got such a good night’s sleep back then.

As I came of age and grew into adulthood, this continued to some degree with living under a unique family dynamic where the need of caring for myself nor understanding that there was so much, I had to bear with during the day without caring for my own needs. I can see why I fell asleep early in the evening and through most of the night. I also did not have to wake myself up on my own, something I had to learn when I would live on my own.

So, when I became independent over five years ago, I was given my own freedom and responsibility, two things that were too much at the same time without taking the time to care for me at first. Then came the need of not doing other things like adhering to the necessity of taking my medication and caring for my home which was a recipe for disaster, eventually these factors and other things outside of my locus of control beside the COVID-19 Pandemic resulted in me having to vacate my first apartment and pick myself up and move in my current home in the year 2020.

It would take until a few months ago when having a mental health episode from years of not taking care of myself that my mental health and practicing self-care was necessary for me to live the life that I choose to live. Through the opportunities of social media, I am learning that there are others that need to practice self-care and take care of their mental health in other ways than just taking medication. Medication helps immensely and without a doubt is a necessary tool in taking the edge off being autistic and having other mental health challenges.

As the world has gotten into a state of finding “the new normal” in recent years, I too must find the “new normal” in myself, understand and accept that there are things necessary to practice self-care like taking naps and other necessary tactics to relieve stress and make myself feel good. Self-care is not selfish, and I know that I cannot do the things in life that I want to do without putting my own needs and cares to the forefront of my overall life of the needs and desires of living the life that I choose to live.  For so long, I have lived to the beat of others’ lives and finding what works for me is essential to finding my own piece of overall wellness. If taking a little bit of time out of each day preserves my life more and makes me better to be around, then that is the life that I need to live and need to be proud of myself for doing so.