Reflections

Relections: Letting Go of What I Cannot Change

As I started 2023 a few weeks ago, I am working to be a better me. One of those things I did that I didn’t even know that I would be doing would be letting go of things that were bothering me and trying to focus on what I needed spiritual guidance on.

It was during an online service that this ceremony would be held and being virtually, I would be able to do so too. It was something as simple as using a piece of paper each for letting go and what needed to be focused on spiritually, respectively. It is known as a fire communion and while I do not have fire equipment here, I did choose to shred the part that needed fire while using water for the other part. 

In a way, it made my brain think clearer about the things that I need to let go in my life. There are just some things in life that I think I can and think that my life would be better if they were changed, but simply put, they are not very likely going to change and while at times I will produce thoughts of things I think I could or should of said that I thought would what I think make things better would have simply made them worse for me because I would have not had thought clearly when doing so.

It is not like this because these things are the way they are, that things are that bad, in fact they have little to do with me and are just a part of the flow of daily life. It can be hard as an autistic person to want things to be the way that you think best benefit you, but in reality it is not just about having your needs met. It is going with the flow of how things are happening and as long as your needs are met and you are safe that is all that matters. Yes, we would like things to be the way that they once were, but everything changes in life whether we like it or not. 

My continual thought about not certain things that I cannot change is to run away from them, however in reality, I know that this is not the time to do it because of several factors. It is catastrophizing and thinking that my problems will simply be solved by getting rid of them. In reality, I need to be an adult and do what is necessary, even if it is not the way that it used to be or the way I think it could be. I must remember that I am not the one making the decisions of these choices.

I have realized that in 2023, I can no longer hold grudges of what was just because things are not met to my caliber. We are all human and things happen, Just because others can be frustrated does not give me an excuse to follow in their footsteps to join their misery. It only produces more anxiety among myself and that is where the necessary defense mechanisms must come into play in order to protect my physical, spiritual and mental health.

Battling things that I know that I cannot change has caused me so much anxiety and stress over the past few years. Yes, we all experience changes in our life, but we must realize that nothing is ever going to be the same as it once was. Things change in life and I must accept that and realize that there are things in life that I just do not have the ability to control no matter how much I want to be the one that steps in and makes it right, sometimes it just isn’t going to happen.

In reality, spending the first day of 2023 letting go of what I needed to get rid of in my life and immersing myself in what I need to work on and make life better and have a breath of fresh air has brought to life the promise of a better year ahead.

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