As I get back to where I left off on my journey and finally being happy in the journey as an independent autistic man, I am learning that the things that were the cause of me declining, hitting rock bottom and slowly bouncing back to where I am today had a great deal of what was I allowed my mind to believe.
It has taken me until recently to realize that I do what my brain tells me and because of what I was often preached in my life whether it was the importance of my medicine, street smarts, or other skills necessary of what it takes to be independent, it was often because of my autism that I took them literally as of what the person was telling me and that I valued them greatly for saying them and never wanted to defy them or that their way of thinking made me the way that they always said it told me. As a result, having these thoughts preached to me continually believed the falsehoods of life and that there were only those ways of being and they had to be a part of my life too.
It often meant that I believed things in life that simply were not true about me and I had to prove them wrong. It can also be because of being uneducated or miseducated about things that were necessary as early as adolescence and taking until recently to learn them. It can also be a result of the brain overreacting to things that may be perceived and that simply are not the case. Additionally, it can be a result of not using your mind power to accept the fact that things are necessary and need to be on your terms and do not cause things that have been instilled through your life whether they are the culprit of something happening or not happening.
Sometimes it takes you learning from a way that you need to see from other valid sources that make things in life more acceptable and understanding in your life. It means knowing what things are really used for and that maybe something that led up to its use is not the primary reason for it happening, such as how much my medication regimen was valued throughout my life and when I was given flexibility, I allowed it to be too free before getting the understanding of its importance in my life and understanding how it is to work for me in the newest chapter of my life.
Knowing that I can take the medication that I have been battling with throughout my independence and not fear being in a seductive state as I had feared throughout my independence has been life changing. It is knowing I can sleep when I want to and how I want to. Additional mind power is accepting that when I am tired of taking the particular medication and that I can wake up and proceed with my day as I am ready in the way that I want to without fear of missing the world or what I have been taught in life.
I now hope that I can live the life that I choose to after battling the past few years with my struggles and knowing that I can go to bed when I want to and get up when I want or need to, these like other struggles I have faced over the past few years are what i have allowed my mind to play out and amplify. Throughout the course of the past few months the thoughts that I have been anxious have diminished and are now very minimal. Furthermore, accepting the need for medication and knowing that I can take it when I really need to and not as I had in the past has helped in managing my sleep pattern for the better and life the life I want, not the life that I thought I had to live.
Life is coming together in my time and in my way.