There can be so much doubt in my mind. I think that I can’t do something because I have it in my mind that I can’t do something. But I know that it is up to me to make the changes. I can do the things that I want to do. They can make me a better person or make me feel good. It takes seeing through that cloud of doubt. I need to realize that thinking something hasn’t been done or believing I can’t do something doesn’t define my potential. I have the potential to do it.

When I was growing up in the midst of puberty and getting an autism diagnosis, I was devastated. I couldn’t do many things at the time. This lasted for many years until things got better in my life. I have made up time for some of those things. However, I wasted so much time believing I lacked the ability to do some things. This was because I wasn’t given the skills I needed to do them.

For so many years, there was an emphasis on doing what was necessary for daily living. Keeping the peace was important to make sure I was not disrupted from what was expected of me. In the beginning, my family walked on eggshells. They wondered what would make me go into a meltdown. Then it was a mix of pushing, fear, and dealing with my doubt. I was not in a conducive environment to do what was necessary for me to live a good life.

Some things had to be developed on my own or with the help of others. This was necessary to understand that it was OK to do some things. These things just would not work in the earlier years because they would not seem to be appropriate. They also cause more chaos than needed. But times change and so do lives. I have had to get more mature in a quick hurry through no fault of my own. That is just what happened in a matter of minutes that led up to what is almost two years now. I have seen that things can change quickly with just one phone call. They have to unfold in their own way.

It has never been about passing the blame. In reality, life has always been about the way it was. It has never been about giving up. My parents are the true testaments of never giving up. I have never been around two people in the last few years that have shown me such dedication. Life is just the way it is. Autism throws us many unexpected shortfalls. Things have been learned in their own way for me. I know that now I am in a much better place because things are happening the way they are now.

It’s never about the way that we got there. It is knowing that I am doing well for everything happening in my life. I make sure to do what I need to keep going. I do this even when there is so much going on in the lives of others. I make sure I do not make life harder for them. This can help make certain that I know my capabilities. It helps me believe in what I can achieve. It empowers me to act on what I can do.