So often I want to dwell on all that is going wrong in my life. Sometimes, it is hard to see what is going well for me. The things that make life difficult can outshine the good things. These positive things are sometimes unrecognized and hard to see. It can sometimes put me down and make me feel bad about what is going on in my life. I want to have a pity party with those who I believe will hear me out. Still, they often remind me of all the good things I have.

It can be the way that my brain is wired. I can see all that is not going the way I want it to. There can be many things that weigh me down. They make me want to feel sorry for myself. I am tempted to throw a pity party. But all that does sometimes is make me feel worse than what I felt in the first place. It can be hard to escape from those situations. They make me think about everything that is wrong in my life. But I know I am in a better place today. It is better than what I have been in a long time. This is what keeps me going, even as life is ever-changing. It is more different than what it has been.

The thing is that life is never the same. I am aware that failing to care for my mental health leads me to lash out at those I love. I know that neglecting my mental health causes me to lash out at those I love. I want them to feel sorry for me. I want to feel deserving of the attention I want. But going about it in the wrong way makes it bad attention. It not only brings me down in a long way around but also brings them down. This happens when they do not need the added weight of my misery on their shoulders.

The reality is that I can often be nice to people outside of my family. This is because it is expected that I have to be nice to them. If someone admired me as I do with my loved ones, they would be appalled. They would want to avoid me. The reality is that I can value friendships and connections more than my family relationships. This is because I know how hard they are to come by compared to family. There is a belief that family will be there through thick and thin. It can feel as if I have a pass. I act that way to those who do so much for me.

All relationships should be seen the same way and in the end I continue to work on that. But it is hard and a process. Deep down the love is there for those in my family who love me. Sometimes, the way it is shown can be difficult to accept and understand. Ultimately, I need to take care of my mental health. This helps me see that I need to be my best every day. I strive to be the best not just for myself, but for everyone. In that way I can be the good person that everyone has come to know me to be.