Sometimes I am in an environment where I am asked to do something outside of my normal duties. In such cases, it can be difficult to be willing to do something that isn’t the norm. I even think of ways to avoid something. I consider running away if it is out of my comfort zone. The truth is, we need experiences. These should expose us to learning how to do things that are beyond our usual expectations. Last year, I learned that it is best to sometimes be willing to bend a little. Doing things outside of the routine helps me to become someone others look up to. In some ways, I also feel better knowing that I contributed to the cause.

Many autistic people are very rigid and have very set routines. Doing something that is outside the norm can be very challenging and tough for them. Sometimes others can’t see what it takes for them to do things that makes them uncomfortable. There are often times when my anxiety can come into play. I do not want to choose to do something and avoid it altogether. This is because I would be asked to be part of something that I do not want to do.

Over the past years, things have changed. I have to do some tasks differently. In the places that I go, I am told to put myself out there. I was told I would have to do these things. It was known that it would cause anxiety. But, the fact is that it wasn’t much that was being asked of me. Deep down, I knew I had the ability. I do it if I took my time. I needed to do it just as I knew how.

I can honestly say this: if that same thing was asked of me a decade ago, I would not know. I don’t know if I would have the same answer that I have today. I spent time building confidence and practicing. Now, I am more capable of putting myself out there than I was back then. I wanted all the benefits and not be the one to do the work. Now it is quite the opposite. I know that there are things that need done. I have to lead by example. I must take the step by putting myself out there and doing it as best as I can.

Even today, there are times when I do not want to do things I know I can do. Sometimes, I lack the confidence to do them. I want to avoid them. I do not want to set the example that I need to be for my peers. This includes those who know that I have the ability to do things. Anxiety at times can make me feel awful and want to avoid things that are different at all costs. But I often think about those few times. I got up on a stage in front of 600 people in a hotel ballroom. Once, I helped with a presentation. Another time, I received the leadership in recovery award for my county from our behavioral health managed care organization. It was a long journey to get to that point. Even though I backslid, everyone did with COVID. I feel bravery allows me to put myself out there. This bravery helps me to do what is needed.