When we are overthinking and ruminating, it can be hard to distract ourselves. It’s difficult to move away from what we are thinking about. Sometimes our thoughts cause us anxiety. Our focus becomes solely on escaping the situation we are contemplating. We can’t seem to avoid what we are thinking about. Instead, we avoid what we think is the worst possible thing we have to face. But, what we have to face actually is beneficial for us. We often do not realize this until it happens.

This is probably the worst thing that I hate the worst about being autistic. Deep down, I know that I am going to follow through with the plans set for myself. Still, in the worst moments, all I can think about is getting out of it. I worry about everything that can go wrong. I also worry about what I think can go wrong with what I have to face. I know that when I get ready to go where I need to go, things will be fine. I will be in my element. Yet, if I expect things to be out of place, it will be harder. If I find that I have to extend myself more than I want to, it will also be challenging. It will be hard to accept things for what they are initially. Once I start doing what I need to do, it will become easier.

I have often done what has been asked of me many times before. But, my anxiety wants to rule with an iron fist. It tells me that I can’t do what is asked of me. This is for whatever reason that wants me to feel comfortable with things the way they are. It fears that I have to step outside of my comfort zone. It thinks I have to do something that I do not want to do. It believes that doing so will make me feel uncomfortable when that very well would not be the case. I consider every possible reason why I can’t do something. In reality, it can very well be the best experience for me.

Sometimes my anxiety is transferred to those that support me. It can hurt them. They have so much on their plate. They choose not to hold me in my sympathy. Instead, they make me be brave and fight through it on my own. True love is about showing me that I must be brave. They help me fight my fears and do what they know I can do. These actions are beneficial for me in the long run. Even though I can’t see it and feel mad at them in the moment, I eventually come to my senses. I realize they are doing what is best for me. I gain the bravery I need. I understand that it is more than what I initially thought.

The early stages of fear can be hard for autistic people like me. Despite this, I have eventually learned to be brave and do what I need to do. It’s beneficial as it exposes me to the world, helping me understand what I can handle and am capable of. I also know there is support for me and that everything will be just fine.