There are times when things in my life are just too much. Sometimes I want to just say what is really going on. In the past, there were occasions when I ignored my mental health. I did not take care of it when I needed to. I eventually had to move past that. I realized that there are times when it is just normal to accept that I am autistic. I must do what I need to do to cope with the situation that I am facing. I have to start to realize this. In all uncomfortable situations, it is perfectly acceptable to do what I need to do.

I come from the dark ages of autism. I lived in times when there was not a lot of awareness about autistic people like me. Even though I can articulate, I still struggle with some things that are plainly autistic traits. It was not considered normal or educated to know that things now regarded as normal can help people like me. Many times, I was told to accept life as it was. Accommodations were harder to come by. They took a lot of fighting compared to what they are today. Even today things are not as clear and concise as they should be, but we are getting better.

Even at times when I should have asked for things, I did not out of fear. Fear is a driving reason why I find it hard to express my needs as an autistic person. There should be no shame in doing what is necessary. Things need to be adjusted for me to handle challenging situations. It is hardest when I am with those that are close to me. This is because the expectations were set before tools like headphones helped manage the challenges of autism.

It has indeed been a little bit easier in newer situations like work, day services and riding the bus. The things that have helped me have made it easier for me to cope with what is going on. In fact, these supports are welcomed when times get tough. But there are those difficult moments. I can’t always do what needs to be done to cope. I want to have the last word. I will fight for what is right or needed. I am determined, no matter what it takes for me to get to that point.

For years, someone advised me to step aside to deescalate. I was told to take care of myself. Still, doing that was hard for me. Sometimes, I became overwhelmed because I neglected my mental health. As a result, it was hard to refocus. I struggled to get myself under control and to where I needed to be. Other times, it was the family dynamic. I needed to do what was necessary without causing a fuss. Doing this would eventually be much better for me, but I couldn’t see that.

Eventually, I realized something important. It was much better to do what I needed to do. This helped me avoid a challenging situation. I begun to accept that I was autistic and challenged. I realized there was no shame in doing what I needed to cope. It was important to get through something challenging for me, even if it was different. There was no shame in doing so.