Over the years, I have realized that it is acceptable to say no to things. It is safe to refuse things I am not comfortable with. As autistic people, we often feel pressured to adhere to routines. We follow requests to avoid upsetting others. Eventually, I had to understand that it is acceptable to say no. Sometimes, it is necessary to turn down things that are unwanted or make us uncomfortable.

For so many years I have been expected to do what is told to me. Granted, sometimes there are things that are just a must. But even sometimes those things can make us need to say no. We must protect ourselves from falling into ways that do not make us who we really are. We are not taking a stand in denial or defiance. It’s not about not wanting to do something that makes us uncomfortable. Sometimes we are just picking our battles. We know what is coming and decide it’s best for us not to be a part of certain things.

Granted there are just those things that just have to be what they are. We have to be willing to sometimes take one for the team. Nevertheless, when that happens often, it overwhelms us. It becomes harder to cope as a result of being burnt out. Sometimes, we have to make choices to protect our mental health. We must also safeguard our sensory intake.

We as autistic adults can often feel we are taking action by standing up. Saying no to some things makes us feel proactive. We believe we are avoiding issues. This happens because we do not fully understand the ramifications of what we are doing. In fact, that has happened to me from time to time. I didn’t realize it was more difficult when I said no to things that were not harmful to me. Instead, I ended up choosing activities that were detrimental. This was a result of not properly caring for myself in the best way. Ultimately, I chose my battles. I weighed what was better for me against what would be consequential in the long run.

Ultimately, I had to have a backbone and say no to things that never seemed right. I also turned down things that I knew would not help me in the way I thought they would. It is often better to do what is right for me at the moment. I know that sometimes I will not get what I want from something. Those situations are harder to manage in the long run. But I must choose what needs to be done. My mind has to be in the right mindset for me and my advantage.

It ultimately depends on my mindset. I need to weigh out options to better myself when it comes to saying no. I need to know that it is not solely believing others will be hurt. In fact, that is not the case. I am responsible and do what is right for the right reasons. I use the time given to me wisely for myself. I make sure not to feel down and out about myself in the process. Ultimately it is choosing my battles and doing what is right overall for me. I now know that it is both OK and sometimes safe to say NO to things. This is true as long as I understand what it totally involves.