For the longest time, I often wallowed in my own misery. I would often think about how horrible life was instead of counting my blessings. It was hard to see the things that I needed to see were going good for me in my life. I had to learn to feel that it was important to choose what I wanted. It had to make me happy and feel good in my own way. It was not about what I had thought was “normal” or “wanted” for me.

Granted, being autistic is not easy to bear. There can be many things that just make life difficult and hard to withstand. But the reality is that I have many things going for me. It has taken me a long time to get to where I am today. I have taken the unconventional approach to get there. Now, I am at a point where I can navigate the world quite successfully. It can be hard to see all the good things going well for me. Many people look up to me for my skills and talents. I am resourceful in many ways for others.

I can be a good person. It requires me to take the initiative. I should focus more on that rather than feeling down about myself. It is often hard to see the good things about me. Even with challenges, others can see the good things about me. Often, it is difficult to accept the accolades given to me. I struggle to see that I can be a good person who can do many good things. The reality is that those good things can help me fill the void that needs to be filled. It can sometimes be hard to recognize that things like work and day services are beneficial. Making excuses as an anxiety flaw is just my anxiety and autism at work. I need to continue to see the good in those things. When my anxiety has waned, my good thoughts can emerge. They help me get out the door and get going.

Life is good to me now. There was a time, decades ago, when things were hard for me. Even with starting work, I lacked initiative. I didn’t do the things I needed to as part of my work. Eventually, it got better. Over time, I worked on the skills, often through trial, error, and accommodation. Things improved for me. I became more successful at the work I do, which is what it is today.

I often criticize not only myself but others. My brain wants to see things as being wrong. This tendency can make me feel down and out about myself. I have the power to choose my own path. I decide my own destiny. I do as I want. So far, those things have worked well for me in my own way. Even though I can’t always see or feel it, life has been good to me deep down. I am truly blessed to live the life I lead.