Without a doubt there are times when I throw my own pity party. Sometimes I take this out on those that I feel I can get away without being judged or consequence. I feel as though I have a free pass to make myself and others uncomfortable. Nevertheless, this does not make it right. I had to start to realize that only I have the power to start to make things right for all. That starts by thinking about all that I have. It is important to remember that there are many good things around us. They are not related to what is going on at that very moment.

Granted, there are times when things seem impossible to do. There can be those moments where I feel quite selfish. I lack caring and compassion for others. This is especially true for those upon whom I feel I can spew my judgmental comments because they love me. But I don’t often realize the mental anguish I cause until it is too late. I extrude pain onto that person. Often, for one reason or another, my thoughts are consumed by what I want to have met. I don’t realize I have the power to control what I would do to care for myself.

Granted, there are some things I would say to those I feel comfortable with. I would never say these things to those who look up to me. I refrain from speaking if I feel they have the power to raise concern unnecessarily. This is often because I feel a little irritated when having to do something irritating or unwanted. But sometimes I need to be brave. I must do what is necessary to support others. They often support me equally in return. I can’t often see what these same people do in return to help me out. Whether it is buying something for me at the store or paying for my meal, their support is there. In the time I am supposed to support them, I just think about being selfish. I focus on having my needs met and dragging them down in my misery.

I have so many things to be thankful for. However, in those moments, I want to play the pity party about myself. I seek the attention of others. I target those who I feel I can pin against myself about how horrible things are. I call attention to myself and make them feel bad about doing what I do not do. Sometimes, I even engage in passive ideation to harm myself so they will show their caring and compassion to me.

The reality is that they do so much to care for me. I must start to realize that more. There are so many things that I need to be happy about. I must stop wanting to make myself feel so miserable about the things that I can’t control in life. The reality is that others want to help me. Often, I make their efforts feel like the worst things that they can ever do. It isn’t totally about me. But there are ways that they are helping me, and I need to see that more. I need to recognize the other things that make life great. Life really is great. This is despite the many other circumstances going on in life.