If I ever had to give someone advice, it would be this. When witnessing an autistic person experiencing a meltdown, understanding what is most crucial is essential. Do not take anything the individual says personally. Being of the Asperger’s era, we often do not filter our word choice. This is especially true when we are dysregulated. We feel what we feel and need to just say it.

When something makes us as autistic people stressed out, it is crucial to use the proper techniques to regulate ourselves. Without doing so, we easily lose the skills that we worked the hardest to learn. When we are dysregulated, we are not mindful of our word choice. We feel so angry and pressured. Without the proper intervention, we believe the only way when we rage is to just let our verbal fury reign.

In that moment, we are raging in survival mode. We want to just let go of what overwhelms us. Things are often said that can be quite hurtful. For many, many years my mother was on the receiving end of this fury. In the past, I was at first physically aggressive. Then I became verbally aggressive. She was often the casualty and had to pay the price more than me. She is the one who would give everything. Her priority was to guarantee my safety and meet my needs.

There have been countless times that I was verbally aggressive towards others. I was verbally aggressive from total strangers to those who would advocate for me. This was true even when everyone else would say to walk away from me. They have continued to give their unwavering acceptance and understanding, even when I have made pointless and destructive decisions.

We need others to know to not take what we say in those moments personally. Additionally, we, as autistic people, must understand that unacceptable behavior has consequences. For the longest time I couldn’t see that. There are expectations to be met no matter where we go. Just because we are autistic, we do not always understand that. The world is challenging. It is important to understand this: for personal growth to happen, one must see that behaviors have consequences. Without recognizing this, growth will not occur. These consequences can be very detrimental to our futures and well-being.

We eventually feel remorse. Yet sometimes it is too late to repair the damage that has been done. It is important that the autistic person understands some things are unacceptable. Even though the consequences are warranted, we have to pay the price because of our actions. Over time, I have learned an important lesson. Those who try to de-escalate us in our worst moments often look out for our best interests.

We must understand this. But those that are deescalating us must totally understand that in those worst moments we are not our best. The only way to get us back on the right track is to not take what we say personally. This is especially true when we seem as if we are personally attacking those that are trying to support us. If they are not willing to let it go and not take it personally, it can heal broken wounds significantly. It also helps us learn to work better at our meltdowns, so they become less frequent in the future.